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Get a load of this loop data

Get a load of this loop data

Get a load of this loop data

Saturday's race was the 18th of 36 this season, meaning we are halfway through the season. NASCAR officials refuse to confirm or deny this assertion until they check the replay and verify the loop data. In the meantime, Sporting News investigators discovered a fascinating tidbit with the loop data: It's already available for the races leading up to the Chase ...

July 15, Chicagoland Speedway: Kyle Pablo Busch wins after taking out Jeff Pablo Gordon in practice, Jimmie Pablo Johnson in the race and Casey Pablo Mears with a strategically placed plate of week-old brownies laced with Ex-Lax. In a related development, Domino's has delivered unordered pizza to Rick Pablo Hendrick's house 15 days in a row. After the race, Kyle Pablo Busch lashes out at Tony Pablo La Russa for not standing behind him.

July 22, off week: Tony Stewart blames Denny Hamlin for this bizarre scheduling decision. "There's no I in schedulemaker," Stewart says. "But there are several in, 'listen to my show on Sirius Satellite Radio'."

July 29, Allstate 400 at the Brickyard: In a thrilling last lap, 14 different drivers trade the lead, but this amazing record goes unnoticed because a Budweiser official was spotted talking with Ray Evernham, and Kasey Kahne was photographed slugging back Buds with those three soccer moms. Which is odd because they normally drink tequila.

August 5, Pocono: This race will be canceled because of rain. In a rare move, NASCAR decides not to reschedule the race, determining that no race at all would prove more exciting than even a full day of 43 guys driving in triangles at Pocono. Unfortunately, this "joke" goes ahead as scheduled.

August 12, Watkins Glen: NASCAR announces it has changed its mind and will not change Nextel Cup to Sprint Cup next season. Instead, the premier series will be called the Coffee Cup, as Starbucks recently purchased Sprint. In the race, Boris Said is one lap from victory when NASCAR decides that non-full time drivers must not be allowed to win, so he is sent home. Said has another strike against him: He says interesting things, which is strictly forbidden. Jimmie Johnson pulls into victory lane moments later. After the race, his car is seized and sent to the NASCAR R&D facility when it is determined his name above the driver's side door is in script font, which is in clear violation of a policy Brian France daydreamed about last week but never told anybody about.

August 19, Michigan International Speedway: For the 375th week in a row, Johnson's team gets in trouble. This time, NASCAR inspectors seize Chad Knaus' pen set when they realize he uses black ink instead of blue. He is suspended for six races, and France lashes out at scofflaw rulebreakers.

August 25, Bristol Motorspeedway: After Starbucks is bought by Monty Python, the sport renames its premier series as the Holy Grail Cup. In a strict new policy, all drivers involved in accidents are required to say, "My car suffered a flesh wound." Not surprisingly, David Ragan quickly becomes a master at this skill.

September 2, California Speedway: In what has become a twice-yearly gripe, NASCAR fans lament the sanctioning body's decision to hold Cup races in a foreign country, especially as America celebrates Labor Day. Meanwhile, the Quest for the Holy Grail Cup heats up. Jeff Gordon holds a commanding lead, but NASCAR offers one final tweak to the system: Any driver born in a foreign country automatically makes the final 12, and any driver who drives the 6, 16, 17, 26 or 99 car is ineligible.

September 8, Richmond International Raceway: In a panic because Dale Earnhardt Jr. has been eliminated from the postseason, the sport introduces the Wild Card into the Quest for the Holy Grail Cup. All eligible drivers' names are placed in envelopes, and one envelope is chosen randomly from a jar. Whoever gets chosen makes the Chase. Suspicions are raised when Earnhardt is chosen, but nobody complains because at least now the races will be on ESPN instead of cable access like they would be if he weren't in the races. Later, an investigation reveals the envelope bearing Dale Jr.'s name had been surreptitiously soaked in Budweiser, making it readily identifiable to the touch.

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Re: Get a load of this loop data

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